I became a contradiction. I was tearful and angry. I had a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. My friends started to ask about the changes in my weight. I was sick more frequently. My trust in others fell flat. I became paranoid. I felt judged. I was on my own...my back was up against the wall in my small little apartment.
I seriously felt like Job in the Bible. I’ve learned though that God has been with me every step of the way. He has met all my needs and gives me comfort when I’m feeling at my lowest point.
The days after the fire occurred, I was pretty inconsolable and just felt like I was losing Keith all over again. I had never experienced anything like this in my life. Somehow I knew that God would get me through it I just wasn’t sure how.
On November 7, 2014, I took my dog for a walk like I did every other day, and I once again prayed these prayers and asked God what it would take for these things to happen. Except this time, I heard God answer me. It was as if he was standing right next to me. He said, "Erin, something tragic needs to happen." I thought about something terrible happening to my best friend or someone in her family. Then God said, "No, Erin, it's going to happen to you." In that moment, I asked myself if I could pray the next prayer. I wasn't scared, more shocked, but I felt sure. I wanted desperately for God to answer my series of prayers and so I made a request: I said, "Okay, God, do whatever you need to do, just do not take my life."
When 2002 rang in, it seemed like it was going to be the best year ever. My husband, Chris, and I had been together for 8 years, we had lived in our first home for almost 2 years, we had a son, Duncan, who was going to turn 6, I was scheduled to graduate from college in December, and in the Spring of that year, I found out I was pregnant with our second child. Chris and I were very young when we had Duncan and wanted to wait until I was close to being done with college before adding to our family. We were so excited to find out we were expecting.